I am in a bad mood today, I have no idea why. I saw you yesterday and although they had reduced your sedation and you are clearly making positive steps forward you did not manage to speak to me. Hopefully tomorrow!
Last night OG was on the phone he was drunk again, I feel like that man spends more time drunk than sober. I love OG but am trying to think about what am doing this time before rushing into things and I just don't know what to do. I love spending time with him, we have so much fun and I absolutely adore Lucas but he drinks heavily all the time and when he does all he talks about is money, its boring and pointless. I feel like he missing the beauty in the world, he is in a beautiful country with his children and rather than embracing that moment he is drunk going on about pointless crap.
It got me thinking about my favourite holiday with you, we went to Venice. This is and I believe will always be my favourite holiday. Visiting old building and just enjoying the perfection that surrounded us, I loved the culture, the drawing in the streets. It felt free and easy, I would love to take my children there one day.
Danny has agreed to update his passport yesterday which I am very happy about, he asked about going to Germany when we was sat by your bedside and I leapt at the chance, I want my son to be able to turn to me the way I have been able to turn to you all these years, I do hope he knows how much I love him.
That was another thing that annoyed me about OG last night, he was going on and on about an argument with Demi and all I could think was get a grip they wont be children forever just cherish the moment but as I said it I reflected on my own situation and thought I need to take my own advise, I feel as if I hear more about Danny's life when we are by your bedside than I do for the rest of the week so I need to embrace this and use this time to build this relationship with Danny.
He heard me arguing on the phone last night and he did come in my room and check on me, I know he still care and I am going to fix this. You taught me how important family is and I am going to make you proud of me, I promise you that!!!
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