Monday 9th December 

Morning Dad, Its three weeks today since your  accident and I am trying to remember the last time you gave me any advice which must be the Thursday before you went on holiday. Just so you know I am not coping!! I rely on that information way to much. I spoke to the hospital last night and you was losing blood from your tracky so I have had to stop your blood thinners and increase your sedation and ventilation in the night. You have had your bloods taken this morning and a consultant will review you and make a plan to go forward. I am scared you are going to have a stroke because of the clot but I was to scared to ask how high the risk is. You have been on blood thinners for at least a week so hopefully the clot has cleared. You currently have pneumonia to add to this. All this just goes through my  head all night and I just miss you so much!

Sunday was a quiet day, I spent the day watching films and catching up on some rest, I feel tired all the time at the moment but I am dropping so much weight am sure that is the issue. I am now seven and a half stone, so I dropped a stone and a half since your accident. Its not that am trying to lose weight I just have to force myself to eat and even then I struggle to keep it down. However I can imagine you telling me to be careful now so as I am sat here typing your update I am eating a banana and a orange.

I shouted at Danny this morning even though I promised myself I would not do that. I walked in his room and he had slept in a unmade bed after I washed his bedding yesterday and when I mentioned it he is saying am lying even though I can clearly see his bedding cover screwed up in the corner. Then I asked him about his clothes that should be in the wash and he pointed to the pile on the floor, so I told him to get it sorted now. By the time I was out the bath it was done and he went to work. I feel bad now though so I am going to text him and apologise for shouting, I know he is missing you too. He always seems better after he has been by your bedside and he tells me so much while we are sat there. 

Summer is great she is her usual mothering self, she looked after everyone yesterday, she is quiet at the moment though. Shes spending lots of time on her own in her room, I am not sure if this is because she is on the phone to her friends or she is struggling too. I am going to make an effort tonight to try get her out that room. On the positive she was off to school this morning no problems.